i feel kinda low… so far it seems like my fear of losing my new best friend is kinda coming true.  im not sure if i did something wrong or if it was just a bad pick or what.. ive invited her to two separate things in the past week and ive been brushed off and told “ill call you later” and never was.

i always seem to find these people who want to be my friend when we’re in school together, but dont want to continue being my friend after. what else am i left to think other than there must be some sort of defect in me?  something that makes me just not capable of human interaction.  they say friends come and go, but mine always go and go and go and never seem to come.

some days i feel like dexter… going around and faking pleasantries all day long.  pretending i am normal and completely capable of forming relationships with people.  i am not.  carrying around my own dark passengers.. my own demons.

somedays, i feel incapable of smiling.

How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

someone my husband works with invited me to a party they are having; an all female “sex in the city party.”  my mom overheard us talking about it… i think she thinks it will involve a massive lesbian orgy or all of us going into the city to have sex. only my mom!

he already rsvp’ed yes for me. so i guess im going. its byob. so i guess im drinking, and alone because i wont know anyone there.  meh.