so its that time in my life again when everything is starting to change.  last night was my last official class night with NAU.  i start my student teaching in january and graduate in may.

after class last night, my cohort and i went to a local bar for karaoke. it was a lot of fun hanging out with everyone in an informal setting. i drank too much, but i dont think i mad too much of an ass out of myself. the highlight of the night was my tipsy best friend hitting on a lesbian there who said “yeah, i would do you if you’re friend would join us” (meaning me!)

i woke up today a little achy; alcohol and my IIH dont go well together. its why i dont drink that often.  but really, i woke up today sad with a deep realization that the friends and associates ive made, i will most likely not see again. three people are doing their student teaching in other districts. i dont think anyone is going to the graduation ceremony. at least three people are talking about moving out of state after graduation.

i made two/three really close friends. one has really become my best friend. for me, that is a lot of people to call friends and i never really had a real best friend before; its big. i know of those three, two i most likely will not see again since they’re not from town and will be in other districts. my best friend is in town and will be in my school district, but i just have this fear that our friendship will slip away like all the rest.

im scared that when student teaching starts ill find out that i cant cut it. im afraid that if i end up doing really well with my student teaching and i find out that i absolutely love teaching, that i wont be able to get a job because school districts around here will be laying off.

for the first time in a long, long time, i feel really scared and really uncertain.