June9
so the other day my husband brought up the subject of having kids. it wasnt a deep discussion, but just a passing comment that he’s ready for us to buy a house and start having children. of course this got a little twisted in my head and became “oh my god! he wants kids NOW!” im sure he doesnt mean right now this second, but within the next year or so.
so all i can think about are babies and pregnancy. is it something im ready for? is it something i can do?.. my hormones are all over the place and because of it my period is screwed up. i might skip a year, three months, or get it twice in one month. i was taking the pill to regulate myself, but i was horrible at remembering to take it. i know i should go back to my gyno, but, honestly, its really nice not getting your period for a while. lol but, if im not ovulating and menstruating, i cant get pregnant and i cant get pregnant if im on the pill to regulate me. so really im looking at having to need fertility treatments to get pregnant.
so with all of this constantly swimming around in my brain, i cant help but notice the ton of pregnant women there are when im out shopping. they all look so young! i feel almost like maybe im too old to even try, and then i try to remind myself that i live in a crap city and, yes, those probably are 16 and 18 yo girls who are pregnant.
but i guess they should be given credit.. at least they didnt have an abortion. don’t get me wrong, i believe in a woman’s right to choose, but i think that choose should be a little bit limited. recently i learned that someone im related to had an abortion. of course she wasnt the first one in the family to do so. geeze, one member must have had a card “abort 5, get the 6th one free!” with it mostly filled out and a determination to get the free one. why? we live in such an enlightened age. im sure they know what causes pregnancy and what they had to do to prevent it. they didnt care about the life in them, but only for their selfish, self-centered existence. no doubt at the time of their abortions, they wouldnt have made good mothers; again, too selfish and immature.
why not consider adoption? there are so many couples out there who wants kids but cant have them. (of course i just now get a flash of a horrible thought. what if i/we have to adopt, but someone aborts the child meant for us? — i know, a selfish thought..)
i was stumbling and came across this website of personal stories of people who have had abortions. there were so many that they were even categorized into reasons why. some were truly saddening. stories of babies with terrible deformities that would never survive birth or shortly after. i can see why abortion would be a humane option. then there were other stories that just made me sick with the vile evil that exists in humans. so many people aborting their pregnancies because the baby would have down’s syndrome. “oh, it might be mentally retarded? lets just get rid of it then.” i couldnt imagine feeling a baby inside of me, knowing that s/he is part of me and im part of him/her, and then just saying “its not good enough. lets get rid of it.” its your child for christ’s sake!
then i cant help but wonder, what do these people do when they have their perfect babies but they grown into their terrible threes or, worse, their teenage years? are they so quick to dispose of them and write them off then? “too much of a hassle. lets let someone else take care of it.” (truth be told, yes, and thats whats wrong with our educational system, but ill save that for another rant another day..)
when i got sick, i had to have a lumbar puncture. before i had it the nurse asked me “have you had an epidural before?” i told her no and she explained “women who have had an epidural say the lumbar puncture isnt as bad.” … that lumbar puncture hurt pretty damn bad. in fact for my second one, they gave me morphine to deal with it. it was so bad that obscenities were just pouring uncontrollably from my mouth. (believe it or not i was trying hard not to curse. when youre bare ass up in a room full of doctors, the last thing you want to be is obscene.) i have said many times since: if a lumbar puncture is that bad, and you have something worse called an epidural to deal with even worse pain… i dont think so. thats not for me. huh-uh. no way. not gonna happen.
ive mentioned adoption a few times to jim. to me, it seems like a great option. less pain and money spent on fertility treatments, pregnancy, delivery, and above all else, it is giving a great home to a child who needs one. for some reason, i really want to adopt a girl from china. i know there are so many of them in orphanages over there.
i know this might seem strange to compare the two, but it makes sense in my mind. me and jim have been the kind that dont go for designer dogs or buying a dog from a pet store. if we want a dog, we go to the shelter. why go through fertility treatments and abortions (really “designing” your kid) when you can give a home to a child who desperately needs one?